Expressing my feelings.

So this post has taken me a long time to write. I never thought I was the kind of person that kept things inside, and didn't know how to express my feelings. Usually I confront things before they become an issue, but over the past 2 weeks I haven't known how to express my feelings on a particular situation. So since I think of the whole blogging thing as a form of Journal I thought no better way to get a few things off my mind.

In November of 2007 I had a miscarriage, when I was 10 weeks pregnant. I didn't want anyone to know that I had a miscarriage so I just kept it inside. (I told family of course) Since then I have been unsuccessful in getting pregnant, so two weeks ago I finally went to talk to my Dr. When I was there he did the routine yearly exam and felt that I had a lump (Nodule) on my thyroid. He informed me that this could have been the cause of the miscarriage & why I haven't been able to get pregnant. He suggested that I go the hospital to have a ultrasound done of my thyroid.

Last Friday I went in and they did the ultrasound. It was weird, they used the ultrasound wand on my neck. They said the Radiologist would would review the results and get back to me. So this past Tuesday I got a call from my Dr's office and they said that they found a large nodule on the right side of my Thyroid and a smaller nodule on the left side. The nurse then said that they need me to go in and have a Fine Needle Biopsy done to rule out cancer.

Now I just sit and wait. The appointment for the Biopsy is scheduled for next Wednesday, and the results from that will take a few more days.

This is where I'm having issues. I hate the unknown. I hate waiting for something that I'm not excited for. I also am not sure how to express my feelings. This past week this is all I can think about, so much that I totally forgot a visiting teaching appointment that I made.

Anyway I needed to get my feelings out and maybe this will help me get it out of my mind enough that I will be able to have a good weekend.
Thanks for listening!!

Comments

Lisa M said…
I can only imagine the thoughts and feelings that you are experiencing. I am far away but know I am hear for you if you ever need a listening ear. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Lisa
September 19, 2008 at 6:23 PM
Jennifer said…
I wish you would have talked to me about your miscarriage. I know how you feel about that. It is tough. I wish I lived closer to you so we could just get together and talk. If you need ANYTHING at all, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE call me.

They found a tumor, which they pretty much think is cancer, on my grandpa's pancreas last week. He is in the same boat as you. He will have a biopsy on Tuesday and then it will be a few days before he knows anything. It sucks to not know. I always think the worst, then I can't keep my emotions in check. (You know me!) Let me know what you find out. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
September 19, 2008 at 6:51 PM
Ali said…
Wow - I am glad you shared your feelings. What a tough thing to go through. I have always thought of you as a strong person and we will keep you and your family in our prayers.
September 19, 2008 at 7:40 PM
lady said…
I'm sorry to read that you are going through such a tough time right now (well, over the last months). And as your friend Ali mentioned...she thinks of you as a strong person. I KNOW you are a strong person...I watched you in the beginning stages of what seemed at that time of your life a stage you just didn't really know what to think or do or even say. A world was opened to you that you werent familiar with or at that time comfortable with...and now...look how far you have come. Look how far Parker has come and you wouldn't change all of that...it's help make you who you are now. Plus you have such a wonderful husband and wonderful parents and family to help you out. Don't forget too all of your friends who are here for you and praying for you! I know it's hard to go through certain things in life and not have a reason why they are happening but as said already....YOU ARE A STRONG PERSON, beautiful inside and out, caring and very compassionate. Keep saying your prayers and hold strong to your faith. LOVE YOU! Make your wicked awsome chocolate chip cookies and it'll help you feel better!
September 19, 2008 at 11:00 PM
Anonymous said…
The nodules with smooth edges are usually non- cancerous; the cystic nodules are aspirated and then PEI injection performed to prevent cyst from forming again-- outpatient alternative to surgery
September 20, 2008 at 7:27 AM
Misty Anderson said…
Melinda I am so sorry to hear that, thanks for sharing I hope everything goes well. Let us know if we can do anything for you! We will keep you in our prayers.
September 20, 2008 at 8:49 AM
Lisa M said…
Melinda - I don't have your email to send you a blog invite, I went private. Just click on my blog address that you have and it has my email on it.
Thanks,
Lisa
September 20, 2008 at 4:44 PM
Anonymous said…
Why didn't you call me to talk?! :) You know I'm just sitting around doing nothing and I would have totally talked to you about it! Let me know what you find out. Bry & I will pray for you-we love you guys! CALL ME!
September 20, 2008 at 10:11 PM
{M}PG said…
I think anyone would be a basketcase until you find out and can move forward. Let us know how everything goes and I will be thinking of you!
September 21, 2008 at 12:09 PM
Challise and Rusty said…
That is something you never want to sit and ponder about. We dealt with things similar to that with my Mom recently. I am glad you "came out" with your feelings and talked about it. It is hard for all your friends to help and support you with things you need to hear when we don't know. I am sure you are surrounded with amazing family and friends to help you during this ridiculous time. You will be in our prayers!!
September 21, 2008 at 2:03 PM
Johnson Family said…
You are a great person and have been a friend to many. Family and friends will help get you through any difficult times. Our thoughts and prayers are with you...
September 21, 2008 at 7:16 PM
Delia D'Nell said…
Oh Melinda. I hate the unknown as well! I will keep you in my prayers this week. Please email if there is anything at all I can do for you.
September 22, 2008 at 1:34 PM
Kellie Glade said…
Melinda my dear thanks for sharing such a personal trial you are encountering right now. I can only imagine what you are going through, but remember that it's when you are going through your hardest times through life that you need to understand the love that the Savior has for you. He has been through this and know you will get through this as well as I truly believe that he will never give us anything we can't handle. I have found that when I'm going through a hard time and like for you now in playing the waiting game that serving others always helps me. Please keep us updated. You are in our prayers.
September 22, 2008 at 2:14 PM
Meemaw said…
Melinda,
My dear sweet Melinda. You are loved so much, look at all who care about you. You are a very strong person it is good to see you share your feelings. I love you with all of my heart. you are and have been such an example to me...and i am the Mom!!!!
everything will be for the best and what it is meant to be. I am always here for you praying, loving and waiting.
love you
Mom
September 24, 2008 at 4:42 PM
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